The Best of the “Brian Gutierrez” Meme

comedynerdsunited:

By CNtributor Peter Harmon

Uh, yeah, you’ve seen this meme ALL over the internet. Here are the best of the best of the best (of the rest).

See the meme.

Pete’s Conditions For Pooping at Work

comedynerdsunited:

By CNTributor Peter Harmon

1. There must be ample toilet paper available, like enough to wrap all of the Fast and Furious franchise cast members like mummies.

2. There must be only one toilet in the bathroom.  I ain’t pooping next to anyone, ever, unless I’m in a foxhole and even then I will wait patiently while my fellow soldier does his business.

3. Preferably I will be the first dumper of the day, if not I will not even enter the bathroom within an hour of the last dumper.

     3a. I may never know the identity of said last dumper.  I don’t want to associate you with your ass smell for the rest of our relationship.

4. No one may see me leave the stall, I must remain thought of as an entity that does not make waste, like cartoon characters and girls.

5. If I enter the bathroom and see that the stall door is locked I must return to my desk and write a list of conditions for pooping at work before checking back to see if the dumper has left.  Then I will wait an hour and poop.

I went to the doctor and he said it was Cancer, which is really bad news, because when I asked him what was his astrological sign I was hoping it was Sagittarius.

Too Long to Tweet:

I heard that Peter Jackson was disappointed with the reaction from black audiences to his Lord of The Rings Movie Trilogy so in The Hobbit, Gollum will call the One Ring ‘My Precious… based on the novel Push by Sapphire’

theclearlydope:

Just a Dachshund taking everyone out with a roman candle. I don’t think any other gifs should try this week.

via @MattUfford

Alright, you know the rule, if something legitimately makes me chortle out loud at work I HAVE to reblog it.